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One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:35 pm

Couldn't resist chucking in some smiles of my own.

How do you know when you've met a vegan at a party?
They tell you.


I used vanishing cream on my dog spot, now he's gone.


When Grandad died we never got a chance to say good bye, he drowned in a bowl of cheerio's


When Grandma got colic, They put lard on her back, she went down hill very quickly after that.


xv500 in parts

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: mark75 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:52 pm

dogeared dave wrote:Couldn't resist chucking in some smiles of my own.

When Grandma got colic, They put lard on her back, she went down hill very quickly after that.


xv500 in parts



guess she just slipped away... :rimshot:

did that happen on a Fri-day? :naughty:
The views, opinions, and experiences expressed in this post are mine and may not necessarily represent views and opinions of other VTF members, so feel free to agree, disagree, or ignore them.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Sat Dec 16, 2017 4:51 am

mark75 wrote:
dogeared dave wrote:Couldn't resist chucking in some smiles of my own.

When Grandma got colic, They put lard on her back, she went down hill very quickly after that.


xv500 in parts



guess she just slipped away... :rimshot:

did that happen on a Fri-day? :naughty:



Slick!


Why didn't the life guard save the hippy? Cos he was too far out man!

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: mark75 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 4:01 pm

dogeared dave wrote:

Slick!


Why didn't the life guard save the hippy? Cos he was too far out man!


:lol:
younger folks might not grok that. :naughty:
The views, opinions, and experiences expressed in this post are mine and may not necessarily represent views and opinions of other VTF members, so feel free to agree, disagree, or ignore them.
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"Over the Mountains of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride" ... E.A. Poe

'13 - FXDC Super Glide Custom
'82 - XV750

Time flies whether you're having fun __ :bike: ... or not ... :fan: ---
and --- Any day above ground is a good day.
so Laissez les bon temps roulez ... just roll safely

"I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand." ... Confucius*

If you don't read the news you are not informed.
If you read the news you are misinformed. ... Mark Twain
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:22 am

Post Christmas blues

Santa is an anagram of Satan

Happy new year everyone !!!!

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Flyingdog » Sun Dec 31, 2017 5:07 am

mark75 wrote: younger folks might not grok that. :naughty:


Ironically lot of them young pups wouldn't have the first clue who your avatar is..either. "RIP"...Ernest P. Worrell
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: chrismalm » Sun Dec 31, 2017 3:40 pm

I saw Jim Varney at the Comedy Store in Hollywood about 40 years ago. He sat on a stool on a dark stage with one spotlight on him and delivered a dialogue between various "hillbilly" or "redneck" characters. He murdered the audience. I laughed so hard I couldn't see or catch my breath. RIP.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Jake » Sun Dec 31, 2017 3:57 pm

Jim had made several movies. One in particular I liked was one where he played every character. I wish I could remember the name of that one.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Flyingdog » Sun Dec 31, 2017 7:34 pm

Only ones that come to mind were...Knowhutimean? Hey Vern, It's My Family Album or Corporal P Worrell. Both shorts.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Jake » Sun Dec 31, 2017 7:54 pm

Flyingdog wrote:Only ones that come to mind were...Knowhutimean? Hey Vern, It's My Family Album or Corporal P Worrell. Both shorts.


Knowhutimean? Hey Vern, It's My Family Album, that's the one.

Check You Tube for Ernest videos.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: mark75 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:21 pm

yes, he was one of the best. Rest-In-Peace, and long live Jim Varney.

it seems we [society] have lost our sense of humor and the ability to laugh at/make fun of ourselves.

to me that is an indication of the deteriorating mental health of our nation [and the world] ....
The views, opinions, and experiences expressed in this post are mine and may not necessarily represent views and opinions of other VTF members, so feel free to agree, disagree, or ignore them.
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"Over the Mountains of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride" ... E.A. Poe

'13 - FXDC Super Glide Custom
'82 - XV750

Time flies whether you're having fun __ :bike: ... or not ... :fan: ---
and --- Any day above ground is a good day.
so Laissez les bon temps roulez ... just roll safely

"I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand." ... Confucius*

If you don't read the news you are not informed.
If you read the news you are misinformed. ... Mark Twain
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Flyingdog » Mon Jan 01, 2018 8:34 pm

""it seems we [society] have lost our sense of humor and the ability to laugh at/make fun of ourselves""

Amen!!.... Knowhutimean?
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:56 pm

Yup, the race is living in fear of losing it's street cred. Humour has had to be defined so folk can laugh comfortably. Lenny Bruce made people uncomfortable and still laugh. Slap stick has lost it's appeal. The victims of PC are just not funny ( For the time being) I feel that the UK is to blame here, May I take this opportunity To apologise to the world on behalf of the United Kingdom for allowing the Creator of political correctness the grey John Major, Prime Minister (1990 to 1997) Who announced out of the blue that 'we live in a classless society' to ruin comedy at a stroke. He really should have run away to the circus at a very early age.

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Jake » Tue Jan 02, 2018 2:03 pm

dogeared dave wrote: May I take this opportunity To apologise to the world on behalf of the United Kingdom


I, for one, thank the UK for the likes of Benny Hill :bg:
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Tue Jan 02, 2018 6:19 pm

Tommy Cooper was my favourite of that era Passed on in style RIP. A lot of Benny Hills material can't be broadcast these days, sexist apparently. Lets hope the likes of Monty Pythons Flying Circus is never found wanting a greater level of propriety. Did you ever see Kenny Everett ? Man that guy had no respect, rib cracking funny.


Guy complaining in a shoe shop, 'What did you lace these trainers with? I been tripping since I bought them.

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: jonno51 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:14 am

dogeared dave wrote:Tommy Cooper was my favourite of that era Passed on in style RIP. A lot of Benny Hills material can't be broadcast these days, sexist apparently. Lets hope the likes of Monty Pythons Flying Circus is never found wanting a greater level of propriety. Did you ever see Kenny Everett ? Man that guy had no respect, rib cracking funny.


Guy complaining in a shoe shop, 'What did you lace these trainers with? I been tripping since I bought them.


I love Tommy Cooper too. Some favourites:-

'I went into town to buy some camouflage trousers. Couldn't find any.'

' I fancied a swim, so I phoned up. Is that the local swimming pool ? I asked. Depends where you're calling from, they replied.'

On the bus the guy next to me was dressed just like me, and could have been my identical twin. I asked him his name, he replied 'Tommy Cooper'. I was beside myself.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Jake » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:36 am

Sorry Dave, that last one I had to move the last one to Truly Tasteless Jokes a sub forum of Club House Chat . It wasn't appropriate for Clean'er Jokes.
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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: dogeared dave » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:06 am

No worries jake hope it raised a smile :ops:

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Re: One liner

PostAuthor: Flyingdog » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:53 am

Holy Cow..I just came across "Ernest, Scared Stupid" channel surf'n. Now, that one was alittle over the top and seemed waay more dated than it actually was.
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